Recently a blackbird managed to get inside of my attic, and as hard as I tried to help him, I was unable to save him. For days he cawed and flew back and forth as he tried to find
a way to once again get free. He did not trust me enough to help him, and the moment I tried to walk up the stairs, he lunged at me in absolute terror.
I was reminded of my mother and others like her. They suddenly find themselves lost in a place that is foreign to them. How did they get there? How do they get free? They long to once again be with their loved ones but they are forever doomed in this foreign place.
During those rare moments when someone tries to help them, they are too afraid to trust, so they simply lash out and remain struggling on their own.
They know and those around them know that they will never find their freedom again. It is just a matter of time before they finally lose their battle. Sometimes they rest and it looks as though they have resigned themselves to their fate, and then suddenly they are up and fighting once again.
Oh dearest mother of mine, just like the blackbird, you became afraid of me and those who tried
to help you. Or were you really afraid? Perhaps just like the blackbird, you knew that this was to be your fate, and you knew in your heart that nothing could be done to save you. Yet
the will to live remained ever so strong right up until the final moments of your life. Just like the blackbird, you struggled in endless circles trying to find your way back home.
At the end you had nothing left to give any more. At the end did you think about leaving me behind? Is that why you refused for so long to take your last breath? Perhaps the blackbird was a mother and was struggling to get back to her babies, and saw their faces as she lay dying.
I longed to be able to help you both, to be able to once again set you free, but I could not give either one of you back the gift of life. I hope that you both are free once again.
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