It is so difficult to believe that this will be my second Mother's Day since
mom died. It is still hard for me to even accept the fact that life continues to go on just
as it always has. When mom died that fateful winter's morning, time stopped for me! It was
as though an atomic bomb was dropped, and everything that ever was beautiful to me was wiped off
the face of this earth. Why am I the only one who feels this way? How dare life go on as if
nothing major occured that day!!!
Yes, indeed, life goes on just as it always has. It makes no difference that
someone has died. It makes no difference that someone good has left this earth. It is as
though a person never even was alive, except to those loved ones left behind. For them, their
life will never be the same, especially when it comes to holidays such as this.
Oh dearest mother of mine! How can I honor you on Mother's Day and each and
every day of the year? What can I do to honor your memory, to keep your spirit alive for
always? Are you able to hear me when I shout up to Heaven and tell you how much I love you?
Can you feel my warmth, and do my tears reach deep inside when I bend down to kiss and hug your
small bronze box which holds your remains? How can you be inside of this tiny box? How can you
be gone?
I want so much to be able to tell the world of your goodness, of how you suffered,
of your enormous ability to love me, but there are simply no words to express just what I feel
inside. If every child had had a mother like you, they would have never ever wondered what it
was like to be truly loved. Even when you could no longer communicate very much,
the love was just as strong. Love such as your love for me needed no words, for you loved from
deep within.
Neither of us were perfect, nor were we saints. We sometimes said and did things
in anger towards one another, but such anger never lasted long. You were my Siamese twin, and I
felt whatever you felt, as you did with me.
I remember your telling me over and over again how you and I had this extra
special bond because we had both almost died during childbirth. You struggled to save me, to
give me life, to give me love, and you did. You continued that struggle throughout your life,
as father grew more and more jealous of our love for each other, especially your love for me.
You gave your entire life to me and I in turn, devoted my life to you right up until the very
end. What more beautiful gift than a mother's love for her child!
Happy Mother's Day up in heaven this year, mom! Thank you for loving me even in
death.
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