My Journal~Running Scared~ Page Ten
3-04-04
Not much new going on around here. Still no job and the bills continue
to pile up once again. There has been a delay in the plumber getting started replacing
my pipes. Guess that it is good in a way because I really am in no hurry to spend more money.
The furnace is still acting up and I
hope that I will be able to get another one put in before next winter. Everything looks so doubtful right now that I am afraid to plan too far ahead for anything.
Mom's 81st birthday will be coming up on March 15th. She was ever so proud of
being part Irish and that is why I decided to do her birthday card page in St. Patrick's Day
graphics. Believe me, she had the fiery Irish temper to go along with the good looks...ha..
Thank God for my work on mom's web site and another site that I maintain for
a dear internet friend of mine. I have been really thinking of doing more website work...perhaps for others. I would love to be able to create some beautiful memorial sites as well as other personal sites
for people. I absolutely love this type of work and it has surprised me.
3-14-04
Today has been a very sad day for me for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that tomorrow is mom's birthday. She would have been 81 years old. Although this is my second anniversary of her birthday since her death, it is as sad as the first anniversary of her death was last month.
The second reason is that I have had to leave many of the web rings that I have enjoyed being in these past few months.
Within the past week my site suddenly is not passing the webring site checker list and as a result, the rings have suspended me. It makes me ever so sad because mom's site was
getting out to so many people via these rings. There seems to be a recent problem between some of Bravenet's servers and Web Ring.com's checker, and neither Web Ring nor some of the web ring managers seem to give a damn that this problem is not something that I can control. So...if this continues, I guess we will eventually have to drop out of all the rings. Mom sure will miss all the company that she has been having...
The only good news is that I have been having a great time learning how to do graphics and animations lately.
I have only had my Paint Shop Pro and Animation shop for a few days but I am having a ball!! I have already learned how to create lovely signatures and am considering possibly selling them on the web somewhere. I certainly could use the money, and this is something that I am really enjoying. We shall see. I have learned never to plan or count on anything...
3-23-04
I have had little time to devote to mom's site lately due to the fact that I have begun the awesome task of
having my entire home's plumbing redone. To say this has been another nightmare is putting it lightly. Since I can only afford to have so much done at a time, I am left in a mess, with no hot water except for in mom's apartment in the bathroom, I am unable to use my washer, and on and on. Not to mention the fact that the costs are continuing to rise as more materials are needed and the cost of labor mounts. My money is rapidly dwindling and I have been continuing to search for jobs without any luck. Needless to say, I have been very depressed and emotionally drained.
I have just about left all of mom's web rings now due to the fact that a major problem continues to exist somewhere inbetween Bravenet's servers and Webring.com's checker. Neither of them want to accept responsibility for the problem, and I have decided that I will just have to leave all rings since the web owners keep suspending the site over and over again. I cannot do anything on my part to rectify the situation, and it is quite obvious that Bravenet and Webring.com could care less. As I said before, it makes me quite sad because mom will have alot less people visiting her site now.
Mom's birthday passed by without much going on here. I tried to keep myself busy working on some graphics projects and other things, but the sense of loss was still there.
I have been missing her terribly the past few days and last night once again, my entire family, including dead pets, came to visit me in my dreams. I felt them, heard them ,and was so very very happy. Of course when I woke up just like last time I realized it was only a dream, and that I am still alone here without any of my family. Sometimes I feel that that is a cruel joke of sorts...to make me feel them within my reach and to pull them away from me and make me feel
such great loss all over again. Perhaps they are trying to come and visit me and keep me company if only while I sleep. I
just wish that I did not have to have them leave me again...
3-27-04
Chaos continues to reign in my life. I sometimes feel as though I am a member of the band playing on the Titanic.
However, everyone else has had the sense to jump ship by now except me. I wonder just how much longer I will continue to play, when it is more than evident that this ship is sinking oh so very fast...
4-8-04
Not much new going on around here. I am still in an
unfinished plumbing mess and am starting to wonder if I made a terrible decision ever starting this project.
Easter will be here in a few days and I am not sure
if I will spend it at the home or not this year. I have not been
able to spend much time there lately due to sitting around here and waiting for a plumber who does not show up. When I finally got back there a week ago, poor Madlyn had actually thought that I had totally abandoned her. I felt so badly!
I am sick of watching and listening to all the commercials about spending the holiday with family. Do these advertisers not realize that there are some people who have absolutely no family left, and that these commercials only add to our depression? I just want to scream!
bravenet.com
